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Parent’s Tips for
Talking with Children about Disastrous
Events It is painfully difficult to talk with children about violence, tragedy and war. Given children's ready access to media, it is almost impossible to protect them from these frightening and confusing events. If children didn't see this on television then it is likely their friends did, and are talking about it in great detail. What we say to our children depends on their age, the questions they ask, and our own political and moral beliefs. Whatever we feel about what's happening, we want to encourage children to continue to be curious about the world, to value peaceful resolutions to problems, and to feel free to come to us with questions and concerns. Remember, first we must deal with our own emotional reactions (disbelief, fear, panic, anxiety, and depression) before we can do what we need to do as parents to assure our children we will be able to emotionally handle these events and move on.
General guidelines: Remember to speak calmly and honestly about the facts of the disaster. Falsely minimizing the disaster will not relieve children’s anxiety. Let them know you're glad to be talking with them about it. Share your opinions and feelings, whatever they are and allow your children to express their own opinions. Ask your children if they are worried and/or frightened about the event. Even if they say, "No," you are giving them permission to have those feelings and to talk about them if they choose. Explain to children that what's happening is real. Unlike violent movies, television programs, cartoons or video games, real people are dying and being horribly hurt. Expressing our own feelings of grief and horror about what happened is a good way to help children learn compassion and empathy. When kids ask , “Could this happen to us?”, reassure them that they live in a safe house, safe neighborhood and go to a safe school. Reinforce that you will do all you can to keep them safe without going into too much detail. However we feel about other “cultures,” our children should know that their classmates of these cultures are not bad people. This is a good opportunity to debunk stereotyping. If children want to help, encourage their concern and compassion. We can let them know about the International Red Cross, and other services that help.
Children under seven need special
considerations: Young children may not talk directly about the event, but their fears might come out in play, providing opportunities for discussion.
Be aware of changing behaviours that are a
part of children’s normal reaction to
traumatic experiences and may include: Do as much as possible to normalize the family routine, same bed times, same schedule, a mind frame about back to school. Physical closeness during anxious and fearful times should be balanced with the need for physical attention with the need to get back to normal routine. Reinforce the importance of using words to resolve conflicts. However you feel about these events, we should help children understand that, usually, violence is not a constructive option. Special considerations for children of the military: Children will have understandable fears for the safety of parents who may be sent overseas. Parents and relatives at home can help by letting children honestly express feelings and concerns. Frequent telephone calls, letters and/or email are essential in helping children feel connected to, and loved by, absent parents. Simply put, when talking with all children use the following steps: Investigate, Educate, Validate, Reassure, Filter, Normalize and Observe.
Adapted from: |
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